There are those days when I’m just not feeling it, which sadly happen more often than they should, and then are days like today, where, I’m not feeling it so much that something inside of me snaps and I’m severed from my physical body somehow and suspended in air and just watching myself walk around on autopilot.
As you get older you can start to realize these flaws about yourself and start to gain an ability to forecast when this will take place, much like the meteorologists on television can tell you how the weather is. Except in this instance, you’re more accurate than they are in their assumptions.
For so many weeks now there has just been nothing that is clicking. It was like pulling teeth trying to motivate myself to edit my Sister’s wedding photos. Something I’ve been looking forward to this entire year, and now that it’s here in front of me, I wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. Same with my bike. We’ve been graced with some of the best weather this state can offer a resident, and I just sat there idle watching it all unfold thru a window. Not sleeping enough, sleeping too much — both resulting in extreme levels of fatigue and just IDK self-loathing from the precise moment of waking up. It’s just been too much.
So tonight almost immediately after work, I just slapped on the bike pants and go the fuck after it. I really did not want to go out. I was angry about having gone out minutes after leaving. I gave it hell. My knee right now is on some epic levels of “you’re a dick” but I tell you what. By the time I hit the fourth mile I was glad I did go out. I sweat it out a little bit and and rode against the wind to maximize the resistance. Anything to make it harder. I sometimes which my bike had more gears. I’m not complaining tho, I love my bike to death.
When I got my nudge email about my Now page earlier in the week, I snoozed it and then when I came back around I just deleted it. I have nothing to update. It’s just one of those patches where like the basics are like not easy so anything else is too far-reaching.
I have the distinct honor of not knowing when my days off are this week yet, and the added bonus of starting at either 4 or 5 am everyday. I’m hoping to get a chance to get out with my camera at some point this week. Vicki from work reached out and said she’s getting serious about selling her art online and recalled that I had offered to take any and all photos in order to make that happen. Yes anybody can take photos with this iPhone and sell stuff online, but there are things I feel my L-glass lens can express that will make her art seem more “in the room” to anyone looking at it online. Plus we’ll have the added bonus of having RAW files.
Speaking of RAW files SmugMug Source is great so far. I was curious how looking at them on the web would be, but it’s just like a photo and the thumbnail I assume is what the camera’s JPG would have looked like because the thumbnails there don’t have the “undeveloped” appearance they do in Darktable on the desktop.
Haven’t read shit since I got back from North Carolina/Georgia late last month. I should feel bad about it but the reality is I’m reading more now than I ever had in my life. Not that I should use that as a crutch to keep taking this time off. Perhaps I should try and give a fiction book a shot. I also kind of want to start reading the Bible but I think I’d be more keen on letting that be done by way of Speechify with a lofi beat playing at 35% in the background — at least this way I would be sure to make it all the way thru.
That enough crap from me. It’s zero hour. That’s it. I’m done complaining.
You’re almost as happy as you think you are.
fortune-mod
